Stomach Tied in Knots
by MoLez
Summary: Santana finds out some devastating news about Brittany that could overwrite the progress she has made with the help of the Glee club and send her back to the closet. Will her friendship with a certain diva save her from herself? Will she be able to look at Brittany the same way ever again or will she find herself falling for someone new? First story so be gentle. Pezberry/Quitt
1. Chapter 1

**Stomach Tied in Knots**

**Pezberry Femslash**

"Where is she? Where is that Jesus loving, blonde-haired, hazel-eyed, emotionally repressed, and sexually confused bitch?" Santana was on a war path as she stormed down the main hallway of McKinley.

"San why are you so mad? We do it all the time. Quinn said it wasn't a big deal because we are friends." Brittany was trying to calm her girlfriend as she tried her best to keep up with her.

"All the time? Are you serious Britt? No it's not okay it's cheating and you may not know that but Fabray sure as hell does." What seemed like the entire student body was now watching intently as the fiery Latina frantically looked around for the other third of the Unholy Trinity.

Rachel was at her locker exchanging books when she heard the commotion coming down the hall. Seeing her somewhat friend looking so angry brought back some unpleasant memories of when that anger would be directed at innocent students, mainly her, but she shook those memories off and was now determined to see what was up. Hurrying to catch up with Brittany she saw an uncharacteristic look on the girl's face as she followed behind her girlfriend. She saw sadness.

"Brittany what's wrong?" Rachel was having a hard time sounding concerned while she tried to keep up with Brittany's pace.

"San thinks I cheated on her just because I had sweet lady kisses with Quinn, but Quinn said it was alright, Rach." Tears began to fill the dancer's eyes at the thought of possibly causing Santana any pain.

At that revelation Rachel just knew that this situation was not going to end well. Santana was usually a bitchy person with a short fuse, but this was huge. Rachel had to do something to calm the fiery Latina, but with the pace the other girls were walking she found herself focusing more on just keeping up rather than possible plans to stop a complete Snix attack.

"Um, Santana, perhaps you should calm down and talk this through with Brittany and Quinn? I'm sure you all are more than capable of handling this…extremely sensitive situation like rational young adults." Rachel tried to reason uselessly with the girl.

"No, _fuck_ that! Bitch is gonna fucking pay!" Santana rounded a corner and came face to face with just the wannabe HBIC she was looking for. "Yo, Fabray! So you think your ticket into the Land of Milk and Honey is through what's mine?"

The head Cheerio wore a smirk with a perfectly arched eyebrow when she answered, "What do you mean, S?"

"You know exactly what I fucking mean, B spilled the beans." The Latina let her voice fall into a harsh, chilling tone.

Quinn lost some of her flawless composure as a somewhat dark, angry look fell upon her face. "Outside, all of you. Even you Treasure Trail." She turned on her heel and swiftly walked out of the nearest doors.

Rachel didn't really have time to be hurt over the use of a nickname she thought she would never here from at least Quinn ever again because she was focusing once again on keeping up with the other girls. She mentally cursed her genetics for making her so tiny.

Quinn led them to a table as far away from the school as possible, under a big shady tree. Santana and Quinn took seats opposite each other and Brittany took the seat next to Quinn. A gesture that visibly hurt the Santana if the momentary confused look on her face meant anything. Seeing this made Rachel's heart hurt because she knew that Santana cared for the girl with everything she had and this whole situation was internally breaking her.

"What do you mean she spilled the beans? Spilled the beans about what?" Quinn asked harshly looking between the 3 of them.

"I told her about our lady kisses, but you said that it wasn't a big deal, Q." Brittany was on the verge of tears, hoping that everything would be okay of she could just get Santana to understand.

"So what. It's not like you guys have anything real. At least I'm not asking more from her than she is capable." Quinn replied nonchalantly.

Rachel was shocked that Quinn could say such a thing. She knew the girl could be heartless at times, but she thought that she was beginning to show more of her natural compassion. This completely shocked the diva. "Quinn, you can't honestly be serious. You know what they have together and how special it is to Santana that they are working on that together. How could you come between that? Why would you?"

Quinn laughed, "Please, Santana doesn't care about anything other than herself and saving face. She wouldn't even wear the 'LESBIAN' shirt Britt made her."

"But she's made strides since then and you know that." Rachel advocated for the Latina.

"Not to mention saving face is your thing, Quinn." Santana added quietly.

"Our thing, Sanny, ours. Have you forgotten our whole high school experience?" Quinn replied calmly. Santana looked away and stayed silent.

"What happened, exactly? I think that if we talked it out then everyone would have a better understanding of the situation." Rachel suggested.

"There'd nothing to tell." Quinn shrugged.

"Yes there is, Q. We've been doing this for years now and" Brittany started only to be interrupted by the shrill voice of Santana.

"Years!? Seriously?" Her voice was nowhere near as strong or comfortable as it usually was and was so quiet it would have been lost if this conversation had been held in the hallway.

"And Quinn always said that since San and I hadn't made anything official I could fool around with anyone. You did too remember San?" Brittany asked innocently.

"Yea but that was before. You know that I only want to and have only been with you. I told you that I'm working on myself and I need you." Santana almost pleaded and Rachel felt for her friend.

"Look, you guys aren't a thing officially so Britt can do whatever she wants and with me, she can do that without me getting jealous or angry. Because I'm not asking her to wait with me in the closet." Quinn replied in place of Brittany.

Santana looked from Quinn to Brittany, "Is that what you want?" She asked, hoping that this was all a nightmare.

Brittany looked at her best friend and longest lover, next to Quinn, with pity as she answered, "I don't want to date anyone right now. You're my best friend and I'll always be there for you, but Quinn knows I just want to have fun. So that's what we've been doing since freshman year."

Rachel was taken aback by that information. All the time that Quinn was with Finn and Puck she was also with Brittany. This caused her to look at her teammate in a totally different light. She wanted to know the entire story and hear no more of it at the same time. What bothered her the most was that Quinn could carry on with her life as if it were normal to ruin friendships, relationships, and people who cared about her.

"We just want to know why you would do this." Rachel asked, obviously still in shock by her friend's confession.

"Whenever Finn, Puck, Sam, or Teen Jesus and I were having problems or you and Britt were arguing we would hook up. Just talking or watching movies, it wasn't always just fooling around." Quinn explained with Brittany agreeing.

"So, instead of working through our problems you would rather avoid them with someone else? You were the one that kept pushing me to open up!" Santana quietly exclaimed.

"Because it's nice to be honest, San. Don't you feel better for it? Aren't you happier?" Brittany asked.

"I was. I mean I was getting there. I thought we were working on it together, for us." Santana answered confused.

"You know Britt is just a nice person who wants the best for everybody. Like right now she is trying to push me to accept the fact that I am bisexual. I know that she just wants me to be happy and honestly she is helping me a lot, but I know what she's doing. I know how she is. You confused that for something else." Quinn said honestly, her eyes holding firmly with her best frienemy.

Santana just stared at her two best friends in disbelief as they looked upon her with sadness and pity. She took one look at Rachel who was also staring between the 2 blondes with a hurt look of her own. Almost as if they had betrayed her as well and in a way, they had. She thought that all of the drama that they had gone through as a club since sophomore year had caused them to grow as people, but she seemed to be wrong. It all became too overwhelming for the Cheerio and she quickly rose from the table and ran away toward the school with silent tears streaming down her face.

Brittany and Quinn watched her go as Rachel stared daggers into them. "How dare you two. Quinn, we helped you through your struggles time and time again and this is how you behave? And Brittany, she loves you! She was working on coming out of the closet for you and you don't even seem to care about that. You know Santana may be a lot of things, she may have done a lot of things to us over the years, but she was always for the most part honest. You usually were too Brittany. You may have been more of a deceitful person Quinn, but I thought you were working on that with everything you've been through with Beth."

"Don't you dare bring Beth into this." Quinn hissed, her eyes turning cold. They stared at each other in silence, fighting an unspoken battle of morals.

Finally, Rachel had had enough of their presence and got up to go find Santana. As she swiftly made her way to the school a single tear fell from Brittany's eye as she softly called, "I'm sorry." The hazel-eyed HBIC turned to her best friend and confidant, wiping the tear away as she brought the girl's head to rest on her shoulder. She watched as a flustered diva powerwalked back to the school and was secretly happy. She wanted Santana to find out about her and Brittany because she was secretly in love with the ditzy blonde. Now that Santana knew about their non-relationship she could make her move on Brittany because there was no way that Santana could get over this. That thought alone made her very happy.

Rachel rushed down the halls searching for her somewhat friend. Thankfully the late bell had already rang so the students were now in class and the halls empty. After searching all the places that she would conceivable find the Latina the only place she hadn't been to was the last place she expected to find the girl. She opened the door to the choir room and saw something she never thought she would.

On the back riser in a huddled mass on the floor, Santana sat sobbing hysterically into her knees. Rachel's heart broke all over again for the girl when she saw what her so called friends had reduced her to. Rachel quietly walked up the risers and sat beside the girl somewhat stiffly, afraid that if she moved too suddenly then the girl would lash out and push her away. She sat for minutes trying to find the right words to open with, but came up with nothing that would suit. Instead she thought it best to relay her thoughts through her physical actions rather than her words which never seemed to come out right. Looking softly at the girl still crying beside her Rachel gently placed a hand on her thigh causing the girl to jump in surprise. For a moment Santana was shocked and embarrassed at being caught in such a vulnerable state by anyone other than the girl who caused it, but when she realized it was Berry who had found her she let her guard down just a little.

"What do you want, Berry?" The question came out thick due to her tears and was a sad attempt at harshness.

Rachel just looked at the girl honestly and replied, "You don't have to pretend with me. I know that there is an emotional side to you that only Brittany got to see, but don't think for a second that I can't see through you."

Santana's face contorted at the sound of the blonde's name before she broke down in tears again, leaning into the other girl for support. They sat that way in the back of the choir room silently for what felt like hours before Santana's tears began to dry up. There were no tears to wipe as they stopped falling a long time ago, but she brought her hands up to her eyes anyway to feel the puffy mass of skin around them. Rachel softly grabbed her hands almost immediately and pulled them away. "You'll irritate them even more if you go poking at them. Come on, you're probably dehydrated and Glee should be starting soon. I hardly think you'd want them to see you like this, although may I remind you that there is absolutely nothing wrong with it." Rachel said. Though she'd only admit it to a choice group of people, Santana was actually really glad to have become friends with the diva. Sure it may be their senior year in high school, but better late than never right?

"How long have I been crying?" Santana asked dejectedly as she followed the diva down the eerily empty halls.

"Two class periods. School has ended now as you can see." Rachel replied, holding the bathroom door open for the distraught Latina.

"Two classes? I'm surprised you aren't freaking out. Usually you're so anal about your grades so you can get the fuck out of here." Santana was honestly quite surprised. Usually the other girl would go on and on about the importance of school work and perfect attendance, but this time she seemed more than content to sit by the Latina's side as she cried.

"There are more important things that school work. Your wellbeing is more important to me than perfect grades. I'd like to think that through everything that has happened over the past 3 years we have become friends." Rachel replied genuinely. She pulled out one of the slushy kits that were hidden in all the girl's bathrooms in case of attack and pulled out a towel and eye drops. She handed Santana the drops as she moistened the towel and Santana was relieved when the moisture settled in her impossibly dry eyes. A silence fell around the two as Rachel dabbed softly around Santana's eyes and they continued this way until Santana just couldn't bear to be alone in her thoughts anymore.

"Am I stupid?" Santana quietly asked, staring pass Rachel at nothing.

Rachel's hand froze as she stared at the girl in confusion and utter disbelief. "Absolutely not. What would make you ask such a thing?"

"Well I must be stupid if I thought that," She couldn't bring herself to say the name, it was stuck in her throat like a big rock just scratching away, "that she actually loved me the way that I love her." She finished.

Rachel dropped the towel in the sink and firmly stared at the girl with fire in her eyes. "Santana, you listen to me. They are the stupid ones for taking for granted such a smart, wonderful, caring girl. Anyone can see that you worship the ground that Brittany walks on and when it comes down to it you would fight for Quinn any day. If they can't see that or appreciate it that is their loss." She finished.

Santana just stared at her. She didn't believe a word she was saying. Yea she was smarter than most and yea she did care about the two blondes more than even herself sometimes, but she had to be stupid. There was no other way to explain how she could have missed such a big thing. No other way for her to have misread the signs.

"Fine, I can see all over your face that you don't believe me, but you don't have to believe the truth you just have to accept it as such." Rachel added with a huff as she went to wet the towel again.

"Why do you even care so much? This hardly concerns you." Santana asked because she genuinely wanted to know the answer. Why had Rachel Berry come running to her side when she saw her making a storm path down the hallway and not someone like Puck?

"I told you, I would like to think that we have become friends. In this school those are hard to come by and I thought that I could calm you down before you injured or possibly killed someone. Now I see that you just need someone to be there for you. Besides Puck, Brittany, and Quinn who else would have been here in my place?" Rachel asked rhetorically as she went to work on Santana's eyes some more. The other girl stopped her however and shook her head.

"I think I'm fine now. I just want to go home." Santana whispered exhaustedly.

"You came with Brittany didn't you?" Rachel asked, knowing that most days the Cheerio would carpool with her best friend to practice in the morning. Santana nodded silently in response. "Come on," Rachel said as she repacked the slushy kit, "I'm taking you home then."

"I can walk." Santana objected.

"Yes you can and you are going to walk directly to my car so I can take you home." Rachel replied with a tone of finality.

Santana wanted to flat out refuse, but she was tired and didn't really want to walk home. She felt like she just had a long workout and she just wanted to take a shower and lay in her bed as quickly as she could. So instead of trying to out-stubborn Rachel Berry she found herself sitting silently in the passenger seat of her Prius. About thirty minutes later she was happy to be sitting in the driveway of her home and much like any other day her parents weren't home which relieved her. She didn't want to explain her puffy eyes to her mother because knowing her she would just make her cry even more. What would she even tell her? My secret girlfriend has been cheating on me with my apparently bisexual best friend? She hadn't even worked up the courage to tell her that she herself was gay! No, she was absolutely ecstatic that she would be home alone for a while.

"I assume that you don't want me to walk you in or stay with you for a while?" Rachel asked quietly. Although she thought of Santana as a friend, she still sometimes felt like she was an unwanted presence.

Santana looked at the girl for a moment fondly. She really did appreciate her friendship and her company was for the most part never unwanted these days as far as the Latina was concerned, but she just wanted to be alone now.

"I'm just gonna take a shower and lay down. Maybe tomorrow." She replied as she got out of the car. She paused just before she closed the car door and awkwardly looked back at the diva, "Thanks, Rachel." She said, then closed the door and proceeded to her front door. She watched as the Prius left the driveway and silently disappeared down the street before she went in. When she closed the door she fell back against it and took a deep breath. Today was just not her day.

She went up to her room and locked the door. Leaving a trail of clothing to her bathroom she began to run a shower. When it was warm enough Santana stepped in and completely immersed herself under the water flow, letting it wash over her just as the sadness had washed over her earlier. She just stood there hoping to wash the day's memories down the drain for what felt like forever before she actually started washing her body. She thought that the hot shower would calm her nerves and soothe her tense muscles but when she exited the shower she felt just as horrible as when she went in. Sighing, she just collapsed onto her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. She didn't know when she had started crying again but her vision was now obscured with tears. Brittany's face just kept showing in her head, her laugh playing over and over in her ears, and Santana could swear she felt her touch on her skin. How could she not see it before? Of course Brittany just wanted her to be happy with herself, that's her whole personality! But she thought that all the things that were said between them were one of a kind and actually meant something more. She thought they were sharing some twisted fairytale where she was the imperfect Prince Charming and Brittany was the perfect princess. That's how she saw Brittany, but she never considered that others saw her the same way. But of course they did, Brittany was amazing and everything anyone could ever want. Brittany was all she did ever want. Now her heart was breaking because Brittany did not feel the same way and she should have known that. She should have known something was off when it was almost always her that was pouring their heart out. She should've seen that Quinn seemed entirely too content when she was having relationship troubles. Hell she should've known that something was up when Brittany and Quinn were always hanging out when she and the blonde had had a fight. She just should've known.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning at school Rachel kept an eye out for Santana. She knew the girl would have a hard time working past her current situation and fully intended to be there helping every step of the way. However, she was a bit wary of what mood her friend would be in now that she had time to let it settle in. The other girl had a way of shutting everyone out and resorting to anger and violence when she felt vulnerable and Rachel didn't want to see that happen. Santana had made so much progress over the years and she didn't want to see all of that be a waste. She wanted Santana to put everything that she had worked on into action now because this was the time when she really needed to.

Rachel was just about to give up and go practice in the choir room when she spotted the girl she was looking for. Santana did not look happy at all. Aside from her still puffy eyes and slightly red nose she looked positively livid and Rachel knew that today was not going to be a good day for the students of McKinley.

Santana stalked down the hall like a predator, daring anyone to challenge or approach her. The initial shock of finding out that Brittany didn't want to be with her had worn off and now she was just angry. Not at Brittany or even Quinn, but at the situation she found herself in. Rachel approached Santana cautiously but with determination and Santana just wished that she would turn around and continue in the other direction. Santana really wasn't in the mood for Berry and the way that she just, you know, cared so much about everything. She always wanted to fix things and make them okay, but Santana wanted to wallow in anger and self-pity for a while. She wasn't ready for her, sometimes, really good friend to help her fix things. Unfortunately for her that is exactly what Rachel intended to do.

"Rachel, please just go away. Don't you have some freaking song to rehearse or something?" Santana said, sounding exhausted.

"I do, but I wanted to check on you before I went to the choir room. You look um…"

"Fucking shitty and angry? Yea thanks Rachel I really needed you to clarify for me." Santana didn't even know why she was so irritated with her she just was.

"I wasn't going to say that, well I was but not that way. Are you okay?" Rachel refused to let Santana's abrasive nature get under her skin, she had prepared for this kind of response and she needed to handle it.

"What do you think Rachel? You just pointed out that I don't look okay and given the events of yesterday do you think that I would be okay?" Santana snapped.

Rachel refused to let Santana know that she was hurting her with her words, "I guess that was a superfluous question."

"Gee, you think?" Santana was hoping that after having enough of being verbally assaulted that Rachel would just give up and let her go on about her day, but no such luck.

"I know what you're doing, Santana. I thought you realized yesterday that I can see through that tough 'Lima Heights Adjacent' exterior you put on. I just wish you would let me in." Rachel pleaded, unsure as to whether her words reached the other girl.

Santana stared silently at Rachel for a moment because she knew Rachel was right. "Just, leave me alone okay? Just let me, damn it Rachel, just let me try to handle this on my own for once."

Rachel didn't expect the girl to say that. She was taken aback and for some reason a little hurt that she didn't want her help. "Yea, ok that's fine. This is your situation after all. You're more than capable of handling this by yourself."

Santana could literally feel the sadness that she just caused Rachel which totally wasn't fair because this _so _wasn't about her. Leave it to Berry to make herself the center of attention in someone else's relationship problems. She wanted to say something to make the girl feel better, like an apology but not exactly because she had nothing to apologize for, but she didn't really have the words. Rachel turned in the direction of the choir room and walked away without another word.

"Fuck…" Santana breathed out as she continued down the hall to her locker. She knew that she would eventually have to apologize to Rachel for talking to her like that otherwise she would do that thing where she sung her emotions out to the whole class. Rachel was excellent at letting you know she was upset with you without actually saying it directly to you and Santana did not want to be at the receiving end of that. She was just about to head to her first class when she saw Brittany and Quinn standing in front of the latter's locker smiling and laughing as if they hadn't completely crushed her spirits yesterday.

You know how in the movies when someone is really fucking angry everything slows down and music starts playing just before they do something terrible? That's what happened to Santana. It was like the students around her slowed to a stop and eventually stopped existing and she could _swear _that the theme to _Kill Bill _was playing somewhere. She really didn't know what made her do it because she had just told herself that she wasn't angry with Quinn, but that didn't mean that she couldn't _become _angry with her. It was just in the way she was looking at Brittany like she was the most beautiful and precious girl in the world and yea she fucking was, but Santana fucking _knew _that look. She knew that look because that's the same look that she had been giving Brittany for years. That look of being totally smitten. It made Santana go crazy because Brittany was hers, no matter what came between them. Brittany would always be hers and the way Quinn was looking at her like a _lover_ blatantly for all to see was like a big middle finger to Santana. She began to wonder exactly what Quinn saw when she looked at Brittany. Did she see an amazing friend or something more? Santana hoped for the former. Before she knew it she was standing face to face with Quinn Fabray herself seeing red in every direction.

"Santana, no hard feelings I hope?" Quinn asked as if she were oblivious to the obvious anger in the Latina's face.

Santana just stared at her not hearing a word she said. All she could hear was _Kill Bill _and all she could feel was incredibly fucking angry. Her hand reared back almost on its own accord and quickly connected with Quinn's face. Slowly the red eased out of her vision, the students began to appear again and in normal motion, and the regular sounds of the hallway returned as she stared at Quinn holding her cheek. Literally everyone stopped what they were doing to see what happened, it was always a sight to be seen when the two girls fought.

"What. The. Hell. What's your problem?" Quinn yelled, still holding her stinging cheek.

A new wave of anger crashed over her because, seriously? What was her problem? How dare that bitch as her what her problem was when she knew very well what the answer would be. Where to begin? The fact that Quinn had been messing around with her secret girlfriend type person, the fact that she thought that it was totally fine to do so because she wasn't out yet (which was seriously fucked up because neither was she), or the fact that she was just going on with her life! Not to mention that look in her eyes when she was looking at Brittany. It was so like Quinn to want things that were not hers.

"Don't you dare ask me that." Santana whispered harshly and Quinn was honestly terrified by the look in her eyes. Quinn didn't dare respond to that.

That's when Santana remember Brittany standing there right behind her. She couldn't bring herself to look her in the eyes because she would probably cry uncontrollably. That really wasn't something she was looking forward to because the only person who would actually take it seriously besides Brittany would be Rachel who currently probably thought she was being an insensitive asshole. Puck would just try to resort to violence and yelling which is fine when you're angry, but not when you're heartbroken. But she could literally feel Brittany staring at her back, like she had x-ray vision or something. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and she felt her back and neck warming up. All her instincts told her to just fucking walk away, but for some reason she was stuck there.

"Are you gonna hit me too, San?" Came Brittany's soft voice and Santana's heart melted. She turned around slowly to meet the impossibly down-trodden look on the other girl's face. She didn't know what to say. "I hurt you too."

Of course she wasn't going to harm Brittany, how could she? But the fact that Brittany thought that she would totally sucked for Santana. Santana wanted to say something, she wanted to so bad but the words wouldn't come out. Her mouth just kept opening and closing like a fish out of water. The only thing she could manage was a slight head shake that she hoped to God the other girl would understand as a "no" because that was the best she could muster up before getting away from there as quickly as possible.

* * *

><p>To say that news spreads quickly in McKinley would be an understatement. By the end of first period everyone had heard about the slap Santana bestowed upon Quinn. By lunch a rumor had been started that Santana put the complete smack down on the hazel eyed blonde and she had to cover up a black eye. By the time Glee club rolled around someone had said that Quinn was going to spill the beans about Santana's abortion that she apparently had so Santana put her in her place. Santana was 99% sure that at least one of those rumors had been started by Wheezy and Kurt. It was hard enough trying to get through the day without thinking about her two blonde friends without the whole student body staring at her and whispering. It was really freaking annoying and caused her to be in a terrible mood.<p>

She took her usual seat in the back of the room and hoped that no one wanted to actually converse with her today because she just was not in the mood. She started out the day with fiery anger, but after seeing Brittany torn apart because she thought Santana was angry with her totally trashed her mood. It was her plan to just sit quietly in misery while Mr. Shue made up some random lesson that Rachel would absolutely hog from everyone else. But holy fuck she forgot about Rachel. She had been so caught up in herself and the rumors spreading throughout the day that she forgot to just freaking apologize to Rachel who, without a single doubt, spent the whole day planning out the perfect performance to indirectly (or directly if she decided to go the route of Finn and the _Gives You Hell_ performance. A thought that actually scared the Latina) tell Santana how much of an asshole she was. And to make matters worse Brittany was sitting front row with Quinn casually laying her head on her shoulder. It may have been commonplace to everyone else, but Santana was having her suspicions ever since earlier. So she had to try to ignore that and sit through a musical "fuck you" from Rachel Berry. This was just fucking great.

Mr. Shue finally arrived, late as usual, and gave his usual speech about Regionals coming quickly and having to be our best. He apparently couldn't think of a valid lesson during said speech because he opened the floor to anyone who wanted it for any reason. Great, Santana saw that as basically no lesson for the day. Santana so expected Rachel's hand to shoot up as it usually did when she had something to sing or say but it didn't. She just sat there quietly with a vaguely pissed off look on her face. Even Mr. Shue expected her to want to sing something as there was a few moments where he and the rest of the class sat quietly looking at her waiting for something that never came.

"Well if Berry isn't going to sing anything then I will." Mercedes happily volunteered. As she belted out an Adele song to Sam, a performance that literally made Santana want to claw her eyes out for what should be obvious reasons, Puck moved up to sit next to her.

"Hey, so what's up with Britt and Quinn? I thought you guys were inseparable these days, or at least you and B were." He asked, placing an arm around her shoulders and a leg up on the chair in front of him.

Santana just sighed, "It's a really complicated, fucked up story, Puckerman. I'm not even sure I have all the details yet."

"I'm pretty sure it's nothing that alcohol can't fix." Puck replied cheerily, not knowing the severity of the situation. Even if he had heard the rumors, which Santana was 100% sure he had, she and Quinn were always fighting so there was nothing new there.

"Maybe not fix it, but it would definitely make me forget about it for a while. What do you have in mind?" Santana asked.

"Glee club party at my place, the usual." Puck shrugged because it was now a normal occurrence. "Tonight at 7."

Santana was a bit weary of this. She had a way of getting drunk and crying her feelings out to everyone, but the way she was feeling now was something she wanted to keep to herself. However, hanging with her friends and drinking alcohol seemed to be the only normal thing in her life now and she desperately wanted to go back to feeling normal. "Sure, I'll be there." She fist bumped her lesbro before he went back to his original seat next to Finn.

She tried so hard not to freaking stare at them she really did. But she just couldn't help it. She loved the girl that Quinn was now comforting to the ends of the earth! She thought that she had earned her love as well and she fucking wanted, no _needed_ to be loved by her. That's how she felt in her heart. Brittany was her every waking thought and who she thought about before she fell asleep at night. She made her envision weddings and children who looked like a spitting image of her. Brittany was her first love and, before yesterday, she was pretty sure she would be her only love.

What the hell was Quinn's deal anyway? Where did she get the idea that if she wanted something that belonged to someone else she could just take it? Probably from being a spoiled only child who never learned to share. But why Brittany? Why _her _Brittany? It wasn't fair and Santana knew that they weren't always best friends, but she thought that their friendship meant something to her. At least enough for her not to completely rip her heart out. Brittany should be resting on _her _shoulder, not Quinn's and it sucked that this was happening.

Tears started to burn her eyes, but she refused to cry in a room full of Glee clubbers because that was not badass. But she couldn't help the way her face seemed to curl in disgust at just the thought of Brittany sharing sweet conversations with Quinn. Not just the average "Brittany sweet" conversations but the kind of sweet conversations you would share with your girlfriend. About meeting parents and how they would love you and making stupid little dates that were ridiculously tacky but for some reason made the other person smile. Those kinds of conversations were the kind that Santana wanted to have and sure they had already met each other's parents a long time ago, but there were other topics to share.

* * *

><p>On the bottom row, Rachel quickly lost interest in the announcements and songs of her fellow members. If they weren't going to discuss Regionals or even agree on a set list then what was the point of rehearsal? She found more interest in thinking about Santana's behavior earlier that day which she expected fully. She expected the harsh tone and cutting words, but she didn't expect to be told to be left alone. Well to be completely honest she did expect that, but she didn't expect the reason. Santana wanted to actually try to handle the situation on her own. She didn't want to repress it or pretend it never happened, she actually wanted to deal with her problem like a young adult. Rachel was actually somewhat proud of the girl, she <em>had <em>grown since joining the club.

She couldn't say the same for Quinn and Brittany however. Rachel didn't want to blame Brittany at all, she trusted Quinn who cruelly misused it, but the girl could have informed Santana of her intentions with their relationship instead of leading her on. What would have happened if Santana came out to the school and then found out that Brittany didn't reciprocate her feelings? The Latina would have been completely destroyed emotionally and would have been, quite frankly, a pain in everyone's ass. Without the love she thought she had from Brittany, Santana may have just collapsed under the weight of discrimination. Now they were parading their relationship in front of Santana and it was painfully obvious that the other girl couldn't handle it. It was quite disrespectful on their part, almost as if they didn't care enough about their friend to have the common curtesy to be subtle. Rachel hoped to be let back into Santana's inner circle soon, but she didn't get her hopes up. Santana did not easily admit that she needed help but Rachel was determined to be the first one there when she did.

Kurt and Mercedes had been texting her all day asking about what happened between the two girls that could separate Brittany from Santana's side and could earn Quinn a nice smack in the face if the rumors she had been hearing were true. She purposely ignored their inquiries as it wasn't her place to tell them nor was it her business to discuss, but they were persistent.

"So did you ignore us all day so you could tell us in person because the suspense is killing me." Kurt asked as he and Mercedes surrounded the diva.

"Why Kurt, whatever do you mean?" Rachel feigned ignorance.

"Oh no no no no no, don't pretend to be Miss Innocence, we know you know something Rachel, you always do." Mercedes pushed, not buying Rachel's façade at all.

Rachel stared ahead and pretended to have a keen interest in Sam's performance of some Justin Bieber song as she replied, "Even if I did know something, which I do not, it would be hardly in my place to tell you don't you think?"

"Hasn't stopped you before." Mercedes said under her breath earning a sharp glare from Rachel.

"So it doesn't involve you then?" Kurt asked, earning her attention again.

"No, why would you think it did?" Rachel asked, clearly confused.

"Well you and Santana look extremely upset about something. I thought it involved you as well as the Unholy Trinity." Kurt explained. He was really an expert at prying information out of Rachel.

Rachel turned to look at said Latina and found that she did look completely upset. About 2 seconds from tears actually. She got up and was about to go talk to the girl when she felt Mercedes' hand on her wrist. Rachel turned to look at her.

"You aren't going anywhere until you give me some juicy gossip like you used to do."

Rachel really had had enough of speaking of the past as if it had an impact on the present. She really thought things had changed, that everyone had begun caring about the well-being of others rather than their own personal agendas. She knew that it was hard to change old ways, but she thought that everyone was trying. "Do you two even care if they will be okay? If Santana is going to be okay or if she is even alright now? It seems to me that you two are just looking for gossip but you will not get any of that from me. You can listen to all the gossip you want in the hallways during school but as for me, I've changed. I know when I have a right to tell something and when I don't and I suggest you two learn when you have the right to know." With that Rachel left the two gossips completely taken aback. They did not expect to get a lecture from Rachel Berry for being a gossip and had come up royally empty handed with nothing but their own outlandish theories to satisfy them.

"Santana." Rachel called softly, effectively pulling her attention away from the two blondes. "Its not going to make you feel any better if you stare at them."

"Really, I thought that by torturing myself even more I would eventually hit a loop and find a place of happiness." Santana said, blinking at the ceiling. A desperate attempt to rid herself of tears.

"That was a really well thought out comeback however hostility is unnecessary. I just wanted to check on you." Rachel replied softly, avoiding eye contact.

"I'm just peachy." Santana replied, taking another look at the two blondes.

"I can see that." Rachel was silent for a few moments. "Kurt and Mercedes are dying to know what happened." She tried. Honestly she just wanted the girl to say something to her.

"Surprise, surprise. Have you heard the things that have been floating around the halls today?" Santana asked, it felt good to be angry at something other her current situation.

"Yes, I told them they had no right to know." Rachel then looked at the girl hesitantly. "I really wish you would let me in." She then admitted.

Santana sighed because they had just went over this. "Rachel, I told you. I want to do this on my own."

"I know and I'm glad that you do, honestly. I just want to be someone that you can talk to about anything. I'll only help if you want me to, but I just want you to be able to talk about what you're going through with someone who actually cares and can try to empathize with you." Rachel explained because that is honestly all she wanted. No one seemed to care about how she was going to get through this.

Santana didn't know how to respond. That sounded really good and through all the drama in Glee club she learned that it was good to have a support system, but this wasn't something she wanted the rest of them to know because they would start looking at her with pity. Santana did not do pity. But Rachel already knew what she was going through and she wanted to _be there _for her which sounded fucking awesome because being alone with her thoughts was not awesome. It was like sinking in the middle of an ocean and refusing to call for help. You'd been boasting and boasting about how strong of a swimmer you were but you choked and you couldn't handle anyone else knowing that. "Whatever. Sure."

Rachel held back her excitement and sense of accomplishment to just a subtle smile. It would be extremely hard, but she would get Santana to completely open up to her one way or another. Brittany was right about that, it felt good to be open with others and she would get Santana to see just how good.

"Are you going to Puck's party later? Its supposed to be Glee kids and stuff. I really don't want to be in a confined space with them for what should be obvious reason, but booze makes me happy." Santana queried, trying to have a somewhat normal conversation to keep her mind off of the now whispering blondes. She tried to pretend like she didn't hear the little cute giggles they were sharing and she tried to ignore the flames of jealousy in the pit of her stomach.

"Maybe, but if I recall correctly alcohol makes you weepy." Rachel replied, pretending not to see the way the other girl's eyes flickered to the sounds of giggling for a second.

"Whatever. I'm happy inside when I drink." Santana tried and Rachel just nodded in agreement.

"Fair enough."

* * *

><p>It seemed that Santana was the only person who intended to get blackout drunk that night. She permanently took up residence at the alcohol table and no one seemed to think much about it. Except Rachel of course. She decided that it was her duty to keep a close eye on Santana so she was sitting directly across from her with a water bottle in hand. Santana carpooled with Rachel after they both went to their respective houses to drop off school work for the weekend and to freshen up. By the time they arrived at Puck's the party was in full swing with all of the clubbers dancing. Quinn and Brittany were particularly enjoying each other, spinning each other and playfully falling over each other. It made Santana's stomach hurt with jealousy again. Her throat suddenly dried up and she found it hard to breathe. Rachel saw a potential emotional break-down in the works and nearly ran to the alcohol table and brought Santana a beer. She gave Rachel a look of gratitude before completely downing the bottle. Somewhere around her 6th beer and her 4th mixed drink Santana felt the need to just talk to someone.<p>

"Brittany is awesome you know that? I never deserved her." She said through heavily slurred speech.

"What makes you say that?" This could be just the opportunity Rachel was waiting for and she intended on taking full advantage of it.

"Ok, like, Brittany is just made of good stuff. All happy, nice, good stuff. And I am mean and angry. Bad stuff. It just would have never worked out." Santana concluded sadly and Rachel did not approve of the girl's view of herself.

"That is not true. Sure you may have your certain…qualities…but you possess plenty of wonderful qualities. You are a very good friend to those that you care about, Santana. Just look at how you protected Brittany over the years." Rachel said, her heart swelling at the memories of Santana coming to the other girl's aid time and time again.

"Yea, and look at where that's got me." Replied Santana, beer bottle resting on her lips. "This is tearing me apart, Rachel. It's only been a day and I can't eat, I can't sleep, all I can think about is them. I feel like I was lied to."

Rachel took the bottle away from her, "Look, I don't want to give you some speech about it 'not being so bad' and 'you'll move on eventually'. You can feel however you want to feel about this whole thing as long as you try to overcome it."

Santana stared at Quinn and Brittany dancing happily in silence. Usually she would be right beside them drink in hand and body in motion, but she didn't think she would ever be able to do that anymore. "Can you take me home?"

Rachel nodded and grasped her hand, squeezing it tightly for just a second before pulling the girl through the dancing teens.

"You guys aren't leaving already are you?" Puck called from across the room, he was deeply invested in a video game Finn had brought all night.

"Santana isn't feeling well so seeing as I was her mode of transportation I will escort her home so that she may rest properly." Rachel explained, she actually expected for the others to at least wish Santana well once they heard the news but they continued on in bliss as if they hadn't heard her. Yes the music was loud, but she that she was louder.

Puck turned back to his game and just waved them off, "Ok Rachel, I got it. See ya later."

There was just the slightest of huffs performed as Rachel turned back to lead Santana out of the house. She at least expected Puck to say something for Santana, but no such luck. The car ride to Santana's house was filled with the Latina singing lazily with no accompaniment to songs that only she could hear, most of which were very sad. Rachel knew that when the alcohol had run it's course in her system, Santana would never admit to being this vulnerable or just sad because that is not her style.

Rachel helped Santana into her empty home and up to her room, which had a theme of mostly black unsurprisingly. She dropped the girl off in her bed before searching for pain medication and a glass of water because with the amount of alcohol Santana had consumed at Noah's, she would need both in the morning. "So I assume that you would like me to leave." Rachel said, turning and heading for the door.

"No, you should stay. I won't sleep anyways." Santana called, laying back in her bed just as she had yesterday.

The diva smiled just a little because Santana was turning to her. Sure it was when she was intoxicated and probably wouldn't remember most of what happened the next day, but when Santana was completely uninhibited she didn't mind Rachel's company.

"Just talk with me. I don't have anyone to talk with about this kind of stuff anymore. Puck wouldn't really understand and would probably get me to do something violent." Santana continued to stare at the ceiling, "This is the first time I've felt alone."

Rachel didn't know how to respond to that without making it about herself so she decided to change the subject. "What made you choose black for your room?"

Santana smiled softly, "A lot of people don't appreciate black. They make it seem like it always means something bad, but it's beautiful. It can be beautiful if it wants to. It's not always bad. Why else would every girl have a little black dress?"

Rachel sat down on the bed and stared at her in wonder because she never thought of it that way. It sounded like Santana was comparing black to something else though. "Black couldn't be a symbol for yourself, could it?"

"You got it!" Santana exclaimed, laughing wildly. "You're smart, Rachel. Smarter than the rest of us for sure. Except Tina and Mike, they're a different breed of smart."

"Thank you." Rachel replied shyly.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Santana asked quietly.

"Sure."

"Why didn't you, like, sing angrily at me earlier in Glee?" She asked.

Rachel was confused, "Why would I do that? I wasn't angry with you."

"I thought you were. Because I was _mean _this morning." Santana explained, just a little ashamed of herself because Rachel was so nice. She didn't deserve to be treated, you know, meanly.

"No, not at all. I'm actually quite happy that you want to try to get through this on your own. I was just shocked I guess." Rachel answered honestly.

Santana sat up with a little difficulty, "Ok, but what about…_them_. You're upset with them. Why didn't you sing?"

Rachel looked the girl in the eyes, "Why didn't you?"

Santana's eyes grew wide because, wow that was deep. She wasn't exactly sure how or why, but it just seemed deep. Maybe because it was a simple question that had a lot of underlying meanings, or maybe because she was just so drunk. "I don't want anyone else to know about this. They would just choose sides and complicate things."

"Is that it?" Rachel pushed.

Santana hated how Rachel could just ask all the right questions at all the right times, "They'll just pity me."

Rachel nodded, "And you don't want their pity."

"I'm not weak, I don't need pity." Santana replied, getting flustered.

"I know. But why do you think that letting them know would mean you were weak?" Rachel asked, wanting to fully understand.

"Because it would be like asking for help!" Santana exclaimed into the silence of the room. "I'm not always going to have help, so I should learn how to handle my life without it."

"That's the real reason you turned me away?" It was coming around to1 in the morning and Rachel wasn't tired at all, not when Santana was laying bare her honest feelings. They weren't really about Brittany and Quinn, but they were a start.

Santana hiccupped loudly, "You're going off to New York in a few months and I'll most likely stay in this town. Not everyone cares the way you do, Rachel. Everyone isn't as forgiving and accepting either. I have to learn how to take care of myself."

"Mr. Shue will always be here. He's just as accepting as myself and he would be more than happy to help." Rachel tried and immediately regretted it. The look of sheer disbelief Santana gave her let her know exactly how she felt about that. And honestly, Mr. Shue wasn't always the best when it came to knowing how to handle situations. Usually resorting to singing or sending you to see Ms. Pillsbury.

"Well, why do you think you will stay here?" Rachel asked. Santana had more talent than anyone else in the club, of course not more talent than her, but she was second.

"How many people actually do leave?" Santana countered.

"The ones with talent and determination leave. You have both, Santana!"

Santana just sadly shook her head, "I thought I would leave with Britt. She always said that I would get some cheerleading scholarship and she would get one for dance. She knew I wanted to be a recording artist but she said to get a scholarship on my strongest skill which was cheer. We would leave and never look back."

Rachel placed a gentle hand in Santana's just as she had done at Noah's. "I believe that you have many strong suits and as long as you put your mind to it, you can accomplish whatever you want. I've seen you do it before. You wanted to be head cheerleader and, through very, um, bold methods, you became just that. The only thing stopping you from leaving here is yourself. And you can do that with or without Brittany."

Santana smiled softly, "I won't say this any other time, but you're a good friend Rachel."

"I know you won't. Thank you." Rachel smiled back.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<br>**

**Ok, I don't like this chapter in the slightest. It's really wordy and all over the place and not really what I wanted, but I know how to fix that. From now on I will be writing in Rachel or Santana's POV so that I can really describe the emotions and progress the story without it seeming like I'm just jumping all over the place. I've been especially hard on myself for this chapter because in my opinion it is really bad, but bear with me I am going to fix this story up!**

**Thank you to all that followed and favorited, I promise this will get better I am determined to make it so. Also thank you to those that reviewed!**

**Snix, I completely agree with you and hopefully next chapter I will be able to characterized them both better through their POVs.**

**Also, I WILL NOT BE BASHING BRITTANY! I received a review to remove Quinn and Brittany from the tags because this wasn't a Brittana/Faberry story and it was "disrespectful and gross to those shippers". This will be a Quitt/Pezberry story so I thought it would be relevant to those shippers to tag Brittany and Quinn just as Santana and Rachel are tagged in Brittana stories because of Pezberry friendship. It seems like there will be Brittany bashing because of how the story starts off, but it is NOT my intention to just bash on her. **

**Thanks guys, follow, favorite, and review and I will hopefully see you next chapter!**


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